hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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