i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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