Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
