yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
