i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
