I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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