Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My breasts were aching with rage.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
