Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who died my cat blue again?
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