guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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