he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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