Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
