So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
