I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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