It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
