So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
