she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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