There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
