Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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