youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
