Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
