Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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