Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
