i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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