a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
