if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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