Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
