saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
