In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
