I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
