I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
