guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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