i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
