i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
