she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
