I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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