she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
