we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
