I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
