He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
