i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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