She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
