we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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