does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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