i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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