Me too!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
