we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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