just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
