just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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