I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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