i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
