i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
