I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
