Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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