ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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