I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
do herpes really smell.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
